Falling Apart
by summerkeri34
Summary: "Anxiety is like the cousin visiting out of town, that depression felt obligated to bring to the party. But I am the party". Ally has becomes depressed after her mother coommits suicide right in front of her, which results her going to see a therapist. There she meets a guy, but what she doesnt know is that this guy might give her a whole new perspective on life.
1. Chapter 1

**HEY GUYS! MY NAME is Summer and I've read so many fanfictions, that I decided to write one of my own. I have never in my life written a story, and I'm pretty nervous about writing one but at the same time I'm super excited. Hopefully this story goes well, but you never know, anyways let me know what you think. I do not own anything. Oh and thank you so much to Jigsaw for editing the beginning of my story, I really appreciate it.**

Ally strolled through the busy and crowded streets of New York filled with people, tourists and horrible traffic. The sound of honking cars echoed in her ears, Even though Ally had been living in New York since she was a 6, she was not used to this. Her parents moved from Miami to New York City for personal reasons. To be more specific, the whole Dawson's moved because Ally's mom needed special help. Her beautiful mom with brown curls, that her child later inherited, was suicidal. Ally continued scurrying towards her destination, her ombre curls bouncing with every step she took. Ally blended in as everyone else there was. The seventeen year old, wavy-haired brunet wore tight beige cotton pants and a loose cotton shirt striped with shades of pink and purple. As she was walking and bumping into strangers, her eyes drifted towards the gun shop and she stopped dead in her tracks, the color draining from her face. Her memory was triggered as she remembered the horrible incident that happened when she was 15.

"Mom don't do it!" Ally frantically shouted at her fragile looking mom, who was holding an 1891 Argentine mauser gun to her own head.

"Ally, you've grown to be a beautiful young woman and I'm so happy I got to witnessed it, but I have to do this. I've reached to a conclusion that my existence has no meaning and neither medication nor doctor can fix me. Things won't change. And the stars and sky will still come out every day," her mom said, her voice breaking with every word that escaped her quivering lips.

"Don't you dare be selfish enough to believe you aren't important to us, and don't you dare tell me things won't change because they will! T he stars and sky will be out but without you, we don't want them!" screamed Ally.

S he felt the wet, hot tears sting her eyes and her throat closed tight. Each word pitched higher than the last in order to squeak out the words that were bottled inside of her. Her tears split over and flowed down her pale skin like a river escaping a dam. Ally just needed a few minutes till the paramedics came; they had said that they were on their way but every second felt as if it was her last with her mother.

"Im so sorry Ally , I love you and your dad I always will, but I'm tired and exhausted and the only sleep I crave is the type of sleep I don't want to wake up from," Ally's mom said. Her voice filled with various emotions. Ally could sense her mother's determination to end her life. With trembling, delicate hands, she clamped the fatal steel of the gun halfway, deciding if it was worth leaving her husband of 13 years and her beautiful daughter. Ally's body felt weak. Sweat covered every inch of her body and her hands shook with fear and pain.

No more pain," her mother softly whispered. Her finger summoned the courage to contract and a deafening roar pierced the air, followed by a ghastly silence. The wall behind her was immediately splattered with red, a pool of blood staining the ground. Ally fell to her knees. It hurt to breathe. With closing lids, her mother slipped into eternal darkness.

Ally snapped out of her thoughts as soon as she heard her phone ringing. With her heart beating wildly, she firmly grabbed her phone out of her tight jeans, trying to block out all of the noisy people of New York, and answered it without checking the ID.

"Hello?" Ally said in a croaky voice.

He checked on her every single day since she moved out of his house to be independent. Larry, Ally's father, repeatedly told his daughter that she didn't have to move out in order to feel bold and liberated. She moved out of the house anyway.

Of course knowing that your daughter has depression and is suicidal is very hard on a parent -Especially hearing the fact that his beautiful angel no longer had sufficient strength to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. He knew Ally going to the therapist was a humongous step, she didn't like talking about her feelings and she absolutely loathed crowds. Every time she was around a group of people she would have a panic attack. Larry, like every parent was protective, but he knew he had to be more protective. After all he didn't want the same thing to happen to his only daughter as his wife did. He remembered when his daughter was first diagnosed with depression as if it was yesterday. The memories of that day infused his mind.

Both Ally and Larry were sitting in the doctor's office, Ally shifting uncomfortably shifting in her seat. She impatiently shook her leg up and down waiting for the results that may change her life. Ally never really thought she had depression. Of course she had difficulty concentrating in school and she also noticed her energy decreasing. She noticed how tired she had become and yes, she also thought of suicide but she always told herself it was just a silly phase of losing a loved one.

She examined her surrounding, turning her head left to right, hoping she wouldn't see the gentlemen in his mid 40's wearing a doctor's uniform. A sigh of relief came from Ally's lip. She veered her head to the right and saw a lanky baby with huge hands and feet. The baby was making all types of weird expressions and just by looking at it, it looked so precious and light. Ally never was fond of children; they were noisy, annoying, and so innocent. Ally just knew she wasn't here in the physical world to have a baby or marry.

"Ally Dawson? Doctor Chafer would like to see you in his office" a soft voice spoke. It had been the 36 year old looking nurse with the hair shade of mahagony and piercing blue eyes.

Ally cleared her throat and departed herself from the uncomfortable chairs and walked towards the inside of the doctor's office.

"ok, I'm ready" she said almost too quietly. She had begun to shake frantically and her mouth hurt from all the times she bit down on them when she was nervous, which was all the time.

"It's going to be ok" said Larry while gripping his daughter's daughter, trying to comfort her.

They walked through the door of a quite spacious room. The walls are white, along with the ceiling and the light filters into the room through the blinds. Standing in front of them is the same doctor that had taken tests on Ally in order to classify if she had depression.

Doctor Chaffer cleared his throat and said,

"As you know I had to rule out other conditions that may cause depression with a physical examination, personal interview, and lab tests. I also had to conduct a complete diagnostic evaluation, discussing any family history of depression or other mental illness. Furthermore, the resu-" he was cut off by Ally.

"Can you just hurry the fuck up and tell me if you diagnosed me with depression?" Ally snapped.

Larry quickly responded and said

"Godamnit Ally, he's just doing his job" he turned to and quickly apologized for her behavior.

"To get to the point, yes Ally I am diagnosing you with depression. I have scheduled you an appointment with one of the best therapist there is, and I'm assigning you atypical antidepressants and tricyclic **a** ntidepressant. I know you can get through this, just remember every day may not be good, but there is something good in everyday.

Ally's dead voice spoke,

"Yes im on my way to the therapist I don't want to see"

She waited a couple of seconds before saying anything

"Dad are you there?"

Her dad snapped out of it and responded with a quick "yeah".

Ally sighed and ran a finger through her hair. Ally knew her every day schedule was, 1. Getting out of bed, 2. Surviving, and 3. Going back to bed. She didn't want to tamper with the system, but she had to in order to go to the therapist.

She was standing in awe outside of the office of the therapist she was assigned to. The building was enormous and it made her feel so tiny and insignificant. The base of the building covered a whole block, she didn't know that there were so many people with depression, it shocked her.

"I'm standing right outside the office, its umm really big" said Ally.

"Yeah, said it was one of the best depression clinics and therapists there are. Ally Honey, I'm going to a convention in Miami and hopefully I will hopefully be back Thursday, I love you and please just try to talk about your feelings with your therapist. Just think about it, the more you talk about it, the more you get off your chest and they might even consider you not going to the therapist" her dad said.

Ally knew her dad knew how she dreaded talking about her feelings, so she stopped talking about her feelings as soon as she realized no cared anyway. She was also terrified of rejection so she swallowed her feelings and put up with some abuse than take the chance of making anyone mad at her.

"Ok Dad, I Love you too, have a nice trip". She said blankly.

She walked through the automatic door and went up to the receptionist. The receptionist looked up and Ally noticed her features. She had a rectangular face with a defined, slightly pointed chin and a sturdy jaw line, but that wasn't what stood out the most. What stood out the most was her purple hair, obviously dyed.

Ally said,

"I'm here for an appointment with Mrs. Needon -" Ally paused to check her watch only to find out that it was only 2:30.

"At 3:00, I know I'm a bit early but I would like to get this over with. So if she has time right now, can we start our session?" Ally Said impatiently.

Normally Ally wasn't rude to anyone, especially strangers but today just was one of those days where her tolerance level wasn't high. Ally looked over at the purple hair woman's name tag and saw "Donna" written in neat cursive. She then looked over shoulder to find a blond man with a sturdy, compact body. He was neatly dressed in a pressed suit, shined shoes, and perfectly rolled-up sleeves. He looked around her age, 18, maybe 19. He felt a pair of eyes on him and he slowly turned around only for his chocolate brown eyes with tones of amber in them that seemed to dance in the sunlight connected with the brunettes chocolate brown eyes that held warmth and knowledge in them but secrets as well. Ally diverted her eyes from him and to Donna.

Donna kindly smiled and said in a small voice,

"Mrs. Needon is ready to start your session, please enter her office oh and make yourself at home". Ally nodded quickly at her and enetered Mrs. Needons office.

As soon as she entered, the tall slim figure automatically stood up and held out her hand out to Ally. Ally firmly shook her hand and sat down.

Mrs. Needon was a middle aged woman with faded gray hair that was originally black. She was in great shape, on the short side (just like Ally), and had wrinkles below her forehead and under her eyes. Mrs. Needon smiled, just a little smile at first, but as it grew it pressed her rosy cheeks up and slowly revealed her teeth, like a perfect Pearl necklace. Ally didn't return the smile; instead she stared blankly at her.

"You must be Ally, it's such a pleasure to meet you" said Mrs. Needon sitting down in her regular seat.

"Thanks, you too" said Ally not at all trying to be convincing.

"Let me just start by doing an exercise that I always do with my patients. I will ask you a simple question and then we can go from them" she cleared her throat and proceeded to talk to Ally.

"Tell me a depression thought that you've repeatedly have" she said.

Ally stared at her thinking to herself," _she has to be kidding"._ Ally obviously didn't want to continue but quickly changed her mind when she remembered what her dad said to her. _The more you get off your chest the more they will consider you not going to the therapist._ So she gave in and said,

"In a 100 years almost everyone that's alive now will be dead and the world will be inhabited by 10 billion or so completely new people".

Mrs. Needon responded

"Maybe these new people will be less bigoted, sexist, and racist.

Ally sighed and bit her bottom lip, Mrs. Needon wasn't completely wrong. What Ally said next caught Mrs. Needon off.

" I won't live to see that world" said Ally quietly . The room was quite for a few seconds before Mrs Needon said,

 **"** **You can help create that world."**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys I'm back sorry, for posting late I had to deal with some stuff. But I'm back! I do not own anything. And I do realize I made a lot of mistakes, but I'm new at writing stores so it isnt perfect. Oh and I was listening to Coldplay while writing this story, so I mentioned them.**

Ally opened her eyes. The sunlight bathed her skin as she lay on her side. She tried closing her eyes. What had happened yesterday was something she didn't want to deal with today. Ally lifted her head from the pillow, her curly hair tumbling down her back like a waterfall. She didn't want to get out of bed, it was like she was a magnet and was automatically pulled back in bed. She knew this wasn't healthy, but it wasn't as if she chose to be depressed and it also didn't mean she didn't have a reason to get up. Mrs. Needon recommended some methods in which she could get out of bed more easily. The first one would simply be to just break things down in tiny steps, so she did exactly that.

She slowly and very carefully lifted her feet out of her bed and towards the shower. She breathed a sigh of relief from her plump lips. Even though her knees were wobbling as ever before, this was an important step to her healing process. She lifted her foot yet once again and took forward 3 more slow steps in the direction of the bathroom. Ally stopped as soon as she felt the cold bathroom floor beneath her foot. Ally closed her eyes; she turned to the right to be faced right in front of the mirror. She opened her eyes, just for her to see her own reflection, which she immediately regretted it. She unblinkingly stared at herself; she had dark circles under her drooping bloodshot eyes and her ruffled hair put in a pony tail had various knots. She had to use all of the strength in her body in order to divert her eyes from the mirror, which she did.

She stripped herself naked and stepped into the shower. She reached toward the handle and twisted it in order to get water. The response was immediate, the metallic head that hung loosely above her spread water unto her body, the sudden shock making her tense her muscles. The water slowly warmed Ally, soothing the ache that clawed at her limbs. Oh, how she had wished she didn't live with this dreadful mental illness. It was hard enough when her mom had it, but now her. It didn't seem fair.  
A tear tickled her cheek and mixed with the clean water as she poured gentle soap into her hands. Her fingers met her long ombre hair, dancing into the mess it was, ridding it of the knots time had given. She didn't want to get out, she never safe out there. But she knew she had another appointment with Mrs. Needon at 2:30. So she turned her shower off and got out, getting ready to get dressed. She picked silk blue blouse and a denim skirt and blue vans to wrap up her look.

Ally scrambled to the door and slowly turned the knob in order to get out. She sighed and got out of her small apartment residential. She strutted through the streets of New York hearing the birds chirping in a melodic way. She whirled her head to the right and saw a group of 14-15 year old talking to one another and the feeling of jealousy was slowly growing into Ally's skin. She could admit the fact that she was envious of their naturally good small talk and how comfortable they were with it too. Since depression swept her off her feet and into his arms, she never developed social skills. Heck she didn't want to get out of her bed less communicate. Then and there Ally's brain suddenly realized how many people there were, and before she knew it her body was going out of control and she was having an anxiety attack.

Ally felt her heart rate increasing as if she was going to have a heart attack, her legs began to uncontrollably shake and she couldn't stand up, with a loud thump she fell on the cold floor. She couldn't speak and she certainly couldn't breathe. All Ally felt is an intense amount of pain all over, like something was just squeezing her into this little ball. The wall felt as if they were closing on her and her vision began to get spotty. She began to frantically Hyperventilate. Pedestrians began to notice and formed a circle around her not knowing what to do. A man pushed through the group of people with the intention of getting to Ally.

She felt a pair of strong of hands wrap around her waist, trying his best to get her to calm her down. She didn't know who it was all, she saw was a mop of blond hair, but she obviously couldn't react considering the position she was in now. Either way she couldn't be kidnapped; there were too many people to witness it.

"shhhh, take a deep breath" the voice of the stranger said.

So Ally did, she inhaled and then exhaled trying to calm down. This year is when the anxiety attacks started to happen; they made her feel hopeless and out of control of her body. The only difference from this one was that Larry wasn't there to comfort his daughter like he always was. Instead it was a stranger from the street, and if she may say he was doing a great job calming her down. The voice spoke again,

"Inhale and exhale, remember don't try to fight it. It only makes it worse".

After a few minutes the pedestrians all left after realizing Ally was going to be ok. Ally felt the person's presence in front of her so she looked up, and was surprised to see it was the same guy she saw from the therapist building. She remembered his eyes, they had the power to captive her with attention and she felt herself gazing at them longer than she probably should of have. Today he was wearing a tan jacket. Brown pants, black shoes and a black beanie that was resting on his lap.

"Are you okay? A group of people were around you, so I looked closer, and saw you freaking out but then noticed you were having an anxiety attack, so I pulled my car over and ran as fast as I could to help you. I know a few things about anxiety attacks myself" The voice said scratching his neck. Ally responded with a nod. The voice once again spoke,

"You look familiar, have we met before?" the voice said. Before Ally could even respond he spoke.

"Oh you're the girl from the therapist building, I saw you talking to Donna. I'm Austin, I have appointments everyday with Mrs. Needon. You don't have to speak; I know it's hard to get words out after an anxiety attack". Austin said while flashing a small smile at her.

Ally again nodded. Ally couldn't manage to speak, so she quietly mumbled,

"Thank you".

Austin responded with a quick nod. Ally slowly picked herself from the ground, dusting of any dirt that there was in her skirt. Ally closed her eyes tightly, _I'm going to be ok_ she thought to herself. She then opened her eyes and sighed,

"I can't thank you enough for helping me out here, but I should probably get to my appointment with Mrs. Needon". Ally said with her shaky voice. She was definitely fine now, but she feared she might have another one and she didn't want to be alone when that happened. Ally knew she was going to regret this, but she didn't have a choice. Just seeing all the people in New York made her want to puke.

"Can I get a ride to Mrs. Needons office?" Ally silently whispered, but spoke loud enough for Austin to hear. Austin immediately replied,

"Yes! Of course, I was just about to offer you a ride but I guess you beat me to it". Austin said with a grin. Ally didn't even know this guy and she was already asking for a ride, but to be fair she technically knew him from the therapy hallway. Ally hesitated at first questioning her actions, but the hesitation left her and dread took over remembering she might have another anxiety attack. Austin snapped her out of his thoughts when he said,

"My car is across the street, we should get going. Don't want to be late for your appointment."

Ally obediently nodded. Austin and Ally walked towards the car across the street. When they reached their destination, Ally found herself staring at the car. From bumper to bumper, the car was a beauty. She admired each and every one of its stunning details, the headlights shone just as bright as the blazing sun up above, which was beaming off the hood and into the supple, leather interior. Then, she looked down, she could see her reflection in the shiny, metallic rims; each surrounded by rugged, gravel-encrusted tires. She continued to look at her reflection, and yet again she regretted it. _How is it possible for someone to be this ugly?_ She thought to herself before opening the car and getting in, making herself comfortable in the leather seats.

She turned her head to the right and saw Austin starting the engine, and then they went off to their appointments. Austin reached towards the radio and flickered through the radio station until he settled on one. " _come back to meet you ,tell you I'm sorry"_ Coldplay blasted through the speakers of Austin's car, then Austin very softly began to sing " _you don't know how lovely you are"_ his voice sounded raw and pure. He stopped and quickly sneaked a glance at her.

"Do you want me to change the station? Because I could if you want to" Austin said.

Ally shook her head not making eye contact with him,

"This is fine"

Austin veered his head towards the road, driving carefully. Austin spoke again wanting to know her better,

"So how long have you been to going to therapy?" Austin mentally slapped himself, how could he ask her something so personal. Yet Austin didn't completely regretted it, he wanted to get to know her better.

Ally was completely taken back, she didn't mind but no stranger has ever asked her personal questions. Ally responded,

"I only started going yesterday, it was ok, my doctor appointed me to her." Ally decided to shut her mouth for the rest of the car ride, she said too much. Austin didn't wasn't bothered by it. He cleared his throat and said,

"Mrs. Needon is the best, you're in good hands". Ally nodded, she didn't want to continue the conversation. Staring ahead, Ally saw a family of three, the husband, wife and what seemed to be their 7 year old daughter. They were laughing at something the husband had said and the little girl smiled so wide it felt as if it was going to break, but it didn't. Ally couldn't remember the last time she was that happy.

As soon as she felt the car stopped, she quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and got out but not before mumbling a quick thank you. After all he did help her with the anxiety attack AND gave her a ride; it was the least she could say. She rushed to the office and saw Donna, Ally went up to her and said,

"Im here for my appointment with-"she was cut off. Donna spoke,

"Mrs. Needon 2:30, you can go in now" Donna gave her a bright, genuine smile.

Ally shook her head up and down and walked into the office. When she entered Mrs. Needon had her back to her and was talking on the phone with what seemed like her daughter or relative. _I love you too hunny, have fun but not too much fun_ Ally heard Mrs. Needon say on the phone. Mrs. Needon turned around and when she saw Ally she gave her a huge wide smile showing all her perfect white teeth. Mrs. Neeedon ended her call and turned her attention to Ally.

"Ally it's great to see you again, I didn't know if you were going to show up. It was getting late so I just assumed". She said, still smiling. Ally responded,

"I had a um, complication while walking on the way here". Ally said shifting uncomfortably.

"What kind of complication?" said Mrs. Needon, raising her thinly plucked eyebrows. Ally didn't want to talk about it but she knew she had to.

"I had an anxiety attack on the way here, but I'm ok now. One of your patients, Austin, was kind enough to help me" Ally said. Mrs. Needon's smile was wiped off her face and a frown replaced it. Ally didn't know if it was the mention of the anxiety attack or Austin.

"Well what an awful thing to happen to you, it occasionally occurs to people with depression, or people in general. Good thing Austin was there, he himself has had many anxiety/panic attacks in the past, so he knows how to control them". She said. Ally was now curious, what had she mean "had" does that mean he doesn't have depression anymore? Or that he doesn't get them anymore? She put those thoughts to the side _for now_. Mrs. Needon spoke again,

"I'm curious, where did anxiety come from? "

Ally slumped in her chair, ran her fingers through her hair and slowly said,

 **"** **Anxiety is like the cousin visiting out of town that depression felt obligated to bring to the party",** Ally sighed but continued **, "but I am the party"**


End file.
